No Longer An Imposter, Just Busy: What I've Learned So Far as a Cybersecurity Professional
Since this blog is in part a chronicle of my professional experience as well as a place to record my dabblings and thoughts, I’d like to take a minute to write about what I see as a personal milestone, which is the decline of a phenomenon that afflicts many early to mid-career people. I am four years into a Federal cybersecurity role after working for about ten years in a series of hybrid technical sales/account management positions, with the pandemic and a stint of schooling in between, so I fit that description. The dreaded phenomenon I speak of is Imposter Syndrome, which, in a nutshell, is: “a behavioral health phenomenon in which high-achieving individuals experience persistent self-doubt in their intellect, skills, or accomplishments. Despite clear, objective evidence of their competence, they struggle to internalize their success and often live with pervasive anxiety, depression, and fear of being exposed as a fraud.”1
In my case, early in my professional development, I was traumatized by some poor workplace culture and lived uncomfortably with sales responsibilities for many years. These experiences took a mental toll. I hated aspects of the jobs I had worked so hard to get, and I often wondered if I was temperamentally fit for such work. I was thrown into a sea of competent, extremely social, and extroverted younger people. At the time, I felt older but less developed, less able to connect, less able to be a respected part of the organization, despite being smart enough and capable enough.
There was no doubt I needed to catch up in certain ways. As an introverted person (but not painfully so - I can be extroverted, it just takes a lot more energy for me and I naturally revert to introversion), I tend to veer toward servant leadership and technical expertise as key features of my “brand.” Admittedly, I was a bit behind technically at the time, especially at a software start-up I worked at. I can’t blame it all on a problematic workplace culture; I didn’t know what Agile was, I didn’t know how to do hourly billing, and I didn’t grasp key aspects of enterprise software development or what customers wanted day-to-day. I probably shouldn’t have been hired, honestly, but I was persuasive and got the job. And that’s okay - it was an important learning experience, and I’m glad I had it.
That experience pushed me. It led to me finishing the BS in Computer Science that I had abandoned 20 years earlier for Historical Studies (another experience I wouldn’t change for the world), and then to the NSF CyberCorps program that allowed me to earn my MS in Computer Science, which in turn opened the doors to Federal work for me. Since then, I have mastered project management and gained certification in it. I can work with software engineers. I know cybersecurity as a generalist and am becoming effective in a management/governance capacity in cyber services. I survived the early chaos of the current administration. It took some years, but I was able to catch up and adapt. I have made lifestyle changes that make me more consistent.
The me of today would have been highly successful in that tough, formative job at the start-up. But it takes failure to succeed, and I am grateful for those experiences. The journey is not over, it has really only just begun - and I don’t care how old I am (not that old, mind you). I’m finally becoming confident, which is the antidote to the poison of Imposter Syndrome.
I think my earlier time at CISA also provided important learning experiences. No one hovers over you and helps at every step. You have to direct your own ship, show initiative, and move forward in a self-directed way. You even have to go find work to do and get involved in work streams. That was a tough adjustment. At first, I felt bored and useless, and the imposter syndrome almost became a crisis. Thankfully, I had developed some good instincts over the years - I didn’t wallow in ineffective isolation, and I sought mentorship and advice from everyone I could. They knew I had a good sense of what the organization needed, it was just a matter of developing the mettle and confidence to work on it and lead others to think about the same things. Now, unexpectedly, I find myself running my section, and I’m proving to myself that I’m more than capable of doing it, and it feels good. I’ve found that the technical knowledge I once thought was so important (we have dedicated SMEs for that) is far less important than emotional intelligence, conscientiousness, accountability, and the ability to initiate useful communication and collaboration. That’s two-thirds of the equation. I’m still interested in the technical side of my field, and still plan to gear up for my CISSP and CySA after having finished my PMP. I also plan to seek opportunities to cross-train - but I’ve found that I already have the essential tools I need to be successful in the kind of role I want.
In essence, I’m trying to communicate that there’s no ideal or model path. In your formative years, you develop certain characteristics that include strengths and weaknesses, and your life path is unique to you. Therefore, you will face hardships and learning experiences that will guide your development based on these traits. There is no set timeline for people to figure it all out, nor should there be. The only necessary elements are a willingness to exert ongoing effort, the ability to make and maintain a long-term plan, and the guidance of a trusted set of peers and mentors. It’s hard to see in the moment, but anxiety, fear, and other negative feelings should be allowed to pass like fog clearing once the sun rises. I wish I had known all this 15 years ago. And I know it’s easy for me to say, and maybe your experience will differ.
On the personal side, getting married, getting in better shape, and becoming a homeowner (our first offer went in today on what I hope is our forever home) have gone hand in hand with my professional development. So, it’s gratifying to be able to report some success and to enjoy it for a moment.
In other news, I’m just starting to figure out how to make my homelab work (what a quagmire) - so more on that coming up next. Lots of fun detail there. And as summer winds down, I wish everyone the best! Go Bills!
Martin R. Huecker et al., “Imposter Phenomenon,” StatPearls (Treasure Island, FL: StatPearls Publishing, 2025), Bookshelf ID NBK585058, PubMed PMID 36251839. ↩︎